Discordian Date for MySQL

Here is a MySQL version of a function to convert from gregorian to discordian dates.

DELIMITER $

DROP FUNCTION IF EXISTS `test`.`toDiscordian` $
CREATE FUNCTION `toDiscordian`(gdate DATE) RETURNS varchar(50)
DETERMINISTIC
COMMENT 'Discordian Date Converter'
BEGIN

SET @year = EXTRACT(YEAR FROM gdate);
SET @dyear = @year + 1166;
SET @month = EXTRACT(MONTH FROM gdate);
SET @mday = DAYOFMONTH(gdate);
SET @yday = DAYOFYEAR(gdate);
SET @dseason = round(@yday/73);

CASE @dseason
WHEN 0 THEN SET @a_holiday = 'Mungday';
WHEN 1 THEN SET @a_holiday = 'Mojoday';
WHEN 2 THEN SET @a_holiday = 'Syaday';
WHEN 3 THEN SET @a_holiday = 'Zaraday';
WHEN 4 THEN SET @a_holiday = 'Maladay';
ELSE SET @a_holiday = 'Error in a_holiday';
END CASE;

CASE @dseason
WHEN 0 THEN SET @s_holiday = 'Chaoflux';
WHEN 1 THEN SET @s_holiday = 'Discoflux';
WHEN 2 THEN SET @s_holiday = 'Confuflux';
WHEN 3 THEN SET @s_holiday = 'Bureflux';
WHEN 4 THEN SET @s_holiday = 'Afflux';
ELSE SET @s_holiday = 'Error in s_holiday';
END CASE;

CASE @dseason
WHEN 0 THEN SET @name_season = 'Chaos';
WHEN 1 THEN SET @name_season = 'Discord';
WHEN 2 THEN SET @name_season = 'Confusion';
WHEN 3 THEN SET @name_season = 'Bureaucracy';
WHEN 4 THEN SET @name_season = 'The Aftermath';
ELSE SET @name_season = 'Error in name_season';
END CASE;

SET @dday=round((@yday-(73*@dseason))+1);

CASE mod(@dday, 10)
WHEN 1 THEN SET @dday = concat(@dday, 'st');
WHEN 2 THEN SET @dday = concat(@dday, 'nd');
WHEN 3 THEN SET @dday = concat(@dday, 'rd');
ELSE SET @dday = concat(@dday, 'th');

END CASE;

CASE mod(@yday, 5)
WHEN 0 THEN SET @dweekday = 'Sweetmorn';
WHEN 1 THEN SET @dweekday = 'Boomtime';
WHEN 2 THEN SET @dweekday = 'Pungenday';
WHEN 3 THEN SET @dweekday = 'Prickle-Prickle';
WHEN 4 THEN SET @dweekday = 'Setting Orange';
ELSE SET @dweekday = 'Error in dweekday';
END CASE;

CASE
WHEN @dday = 5 THEN SET @celebrate = concat(' Celebrate ', @a_holiday, '.');
WHEN @dday = 50 THEN SET @celebrate = concat(' Celebrate ', @s_holiday, '.');
WHEN (@month = 2 and @mday = 29) THEN SET @celebrate = ' Celebrate St. Tib''s Day.';
ELSE SET @celebrate = '';
END CASE;

SET @ddate = concat(@dweekday, ', ', @dday, ' ', @name_season, ', ', @dyear, '.', @celebrate);

RETURN @ddate;

END $$

DELIMITER ;

You can test it with a simple

SQL>SELECT toDiscordian(now());

It is certainly far from perfect, feel free to improve it and report errors.